Pine nuts are said to stimulate the libido because they are rich in zinc, a key mineral for maintaining male potency. Like most nuts, they also offer protective cardiovascular benefits and are especially good sources of thiamin, iron, magnesium, and manganese.
This vegetable is filled with vitamin E which can boost your libido. Coupled with it's phallic shape, asparagus is a great food to get you going.
- The great sex diet
- Aphrodisiac Foods
- InterCourses: An aphrodisiac cookbook
There are a variety of communication and psychological theories used to explain how and why individuals self-disclose. Unfortunately, none of them are able to explain the type of inappropriate self-disclosure I experienced last week. Instead, most theories of self-disclosure focus on communicating information between two individuals who are involved in some sort of relationship with each other (i.e. friendship, romantic relationship, work relationship, etc). Altman and Taylor’s (1973) social penetration theory is one of the most prominent self-disclosure theories in academia.
Social penetration theory (Altman & Taylor, 1973) explains how self-disclosure plays an integral role in the development and deterioration of close relationships. At its most basic form, breadth and depth of disclosures, along with perceived relationship rewards and costs and amount of reciprocity, influence how fast or slow the penetration or depenetration process takes place. Specifically, social penetration theory claims that as a relationship progresses and as rewards within a relationship increase, communication exchange between two individuals also increases in both breadth and depth in order to subsequently increase feelings of intimacy and closeness within their relationship.
In social penetration theory, breadth can be explained in three ways. First, there are breadth categories, which involve the number of topics individuals reveal or discuss with their relationship partners. Second, breadth frequency is concerned with how often a certain topic is discussed. Lastly, there is breadth time, which refers to the amount of time one spends interacting with their relationship partner. Social penetration theory claims that the number of breadth categories may be high at the beginning of a relationship, yet as a relationship grows, breadth frequency increases within each breadth category. For example, when Alaina and Anderson first met, they may have discussed many different topics including their education, hobbies, and their families, indicating a high number of breadth categories. In this early stage of their relationship, the two may only reveal their siblings’ names and ages when discussing their families. However, as that relationship progresses, Alaina and Anderson may begin to discuss their families more frequently, indicating high breadth frequency within their “family” category.
Depth, on the other hand, refers to the intimacy of topics individuals discuss with their relationship partners. As relationships progress, individuals tend to discuss more intimate aspects of their lives and personalities with each other. For instance, on their first date, Alaina and Anderson may discuss very superficial topics such as where they grew up or what they studied in college, whereas once they have been in a relationship for 3 months, they may begin to share more personal aspects of their lives such as their political or religious beliefs.
Altman and Taylor (1973) further explain that interpersonal rewards and costs also influence the social penetration process. Interpersonal rewards and costs refer to the positive and negative aspects of a relationship. “The greater the ratio of rewards to costs, the more rapid the penetration process” (Altman & Taylor, 1973, p. 42). Additionally, the magnitude of rewards and costs must also be taken into consideration. For instance, Alaina may think that her new boyfriend is very funny and she likes the way he calls her every night (2 rewards), but she also is not physically attracted to him (1 cost). The penetration process in this relationship may be slowed down due to the importance (i.e. magnitude) that Alaina places on being physically attracted to her mate. Even though there are more rewards than costs, the magnitude of the one cost may prevail when determining how fast or slow the relationship develops. The beliefs that people have about potential rewards and costs in the future of their relationships can also affect the penetration process. Back to the previous example, if Alaina believes that she is never going to be physically attracted to her new boyfriend, and being physically attracted to her mate is very important to her, the penetration process will likely slow down or even stop.
Reciprocity of disclosures is another important aspect of the penetration process (Altman & Taylor, 1973). If one relationship partner discloses information and the other partner fails to reciprocate, the penetration process could be delayed. Likewise, the intimacy of reciprocity can also influence penetration. For example, even though Alaina and her friend Violet disclose the same amount of information about their families to each other, if the intimacy of their information is not at the same level of depth, the relationship may develop at a slow rate. Alaina may feel that Violet is not disclosing at the same intimacy level as her because she does not like her, which could lower Alaina’s motivation to interact with Violet.
When discussing the deterioration of relationships, Altman and Taylor (1973) hypothesize that this process is just as systematic as the process of relationship development. Depenetration, therefore, is hypothesized to occur in reverse of the penetration process. “Interpersonal exchange should proceed backwards from more to less intimate areas, should decrease in breadth and volume, and, as a result, the total cumulative wedge of exchange should shrink” (p. 174).
To sum, social penetration theory focuses on how communication, specifically the use of self-disclosure, affects relationship development and deterioration. Social penetration is a process, in that it moves from one stage to another. Breadth and depth of disclosures along with reciprocity and perceived relationship rewards and costs influence how fast or slow the penetration or depenetration process takes place.
So, if building a relationship is the main goal of self-disclosing, why do strangers, who usually have no intent of starting up a new relationship, sometimes self-disclose their deepest darkest secrets? Why did this woman feel the urge to tell me about her breast-feeding problems and another woman about her pregnancy sex life? The world may never know.
Related Love Lesson Posts:
- Just a little small talk
- Self-Disclosure Test
- Getting to know you
- Hi honey, how was your day?
- Let's talk about sex, baby
- Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston.
- Taylor, D. A., & Altman, I. (1987). Communication in interpersonal relationships: Social penetration processes. In M. E. Rolloff & G. R. Miller (Eds.), Interpersonal processes: New directions in communication research (pp. 257- 277). Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
- Vangelisti, A., Caughlin, J., & Timmerman, L. (2001). Criteria for revealing family secrets. Communication Monographs, 68, 1-27.
Take a Time-Out
Gatekeeping is when one parent (usually mom) takes control of the care giving and household chores. She then (either consciously or unconsciously) limits dad’s involvement by preventing him from caring for their child (“It’s okay, I’ll do it”), criticizing how he cares for their child (“That’s not how you change a diaper”), or failing to encourage him. Try not to tell your partner how he should or should not care for his child; bite your tongue. He may not have the same knowledge about newborns as you, but he’s perfectly capable of figuring it out. Make sure that he knows how much you appreciate him and compliment him when he does something well. Studies have found that this will not only enable him to be more involved, but it will also decrease conflict in your relationship.
Mess with the Routine
- Mom and dad can share it all
- Novelty vs. predictability
- Autonomy vs. togetherness
- Pick your battles
- The four horsemen of the apocalypse
- Humorous conflict
- Top 10 end-of-summer date ideas
- Just kiss
- Spice it up
- Light the spark
- Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C. & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couple's shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 273- 284.
- Bazzini, D. G., Stack, E. R., Martincin, P. D., & Davis, C. P. (2007). The effects of reminiscing about laughter on relationship satisfaction. Motivation and Emotion, 31, 25- 34.
- Campbell, L., Martin, R. A., & Ward, J. R. (2008). An observational study of humor while resolving conflict in dating couples. Personal Relationships, 15, 41-55.
- Ziv, A. (1988). Humor's role in married life. Humor, 1, 223- 229.
- Ziv, A., & Gadish, O. (1989). Humor in marital satisfaction. The Journal of Social Psychology, 129, 759- 768.