When Hus and I first met, we clicked rather quickly. We just seemed to mesh well together. And, like many relationships, for about a year after beginning to date, I thought that Hus and our relationship were absolutely perfect. We loved everything about one another, we hardly ever fought, and to top it all off, we were one of those mushy couples. You know, the ones you gag at in public? We were one of those couples. Everything was great and no one could have told us differently.
Then, about a year into our courtship, we started to notice all of the little things about one another that we didn’t like, found to be annoying, and could have even been deal-breakers. When we moved in together, they became even more noticeable. Over the years, these irritants have caused many arguments and a good deal of conflict in our relationship. I wanted to change Hus and he wanted to change me. We both wanted one another to mold into these perfect, idealized people. What a mistake. What a HUGE mistake.
It is completely unrealistic to think that anyone is perfect or has the potential to be perfect. It’s additionally impractical to believe that you somehow have the ability to create the perfect partner. Recognizing your partner’s flaws (everyone has them) and accepting your mate for who he or she is (good and bad) is major component of healthy relationships. You cannot change your mate. If by chance the behavior, personality trait, or habit that irks you is beyond your acceptance, you may need to seriously reevaluate your partnership.
When Hus and I finally came to the realization that we could not change one another, we grew closer as a couple. I love him for who he is and he loves me for who I am, regardless of the fact that he is consistently late and I am habitually bossy.