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- Become a fan of Jen's Love Lessons on Facebook (Already a fan? Great! Not a member of Facebook? Skip to step #3.)
- Find the link to THIS GIVEAWAY on my Facebook fan page and make a comment, any comment.
- Go back to this giveaway on Jen's Love Lessons and make another comment; anything will do.
Normative motivation concerns an individual's motivation to comply with role-specific social norms by behaving in the "correct" or generally accepted way. This is where society screws us as women. If we're following prototypical gender role stereotypes, then it's completely natural for a woman to be a nagging, bossy individual. And it's hard to break free from this stereotype. We see examples of how women should act everywhere. As I've said in a previous post, many people unfortunately "believe that a wife is destined to nag everyone in her family, every single day of her life (Think: Malcolm in the Middle, Desperate Housewives, Everybody Loves Raymond, & Roseanne)." Typical media relationships create a skewed perception of how partners should and should not communicate with one another. And, whether you like it or not, these relationships on television and in movies greatly impact how we, in turn, interact with our mates. FYI, this is NOT how it has to be. We can dispel these myths about acceptable gender behaviors right here, right now. You are not doomed to nag and I am not doomed to nag. Done.
- Implement a "let's talk" night. Among other tips (you can read all about the "let's talk" night in this article on ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com), you want to bring up only one issue, listen, be positive, and help each other solve the problem.
- Show your appreciation. Whenever your partner does something well, compliment him. If he, or anyone for that matter, knows that you appreciate what he is doing, he will likely continue that behavior. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.
- Don't do it yourself. If he said he would do it, let him do it. You will just build up resentment towards him if you take charge and just do it by yourself. Be patient and wait for him to do whatever it is that he said he would do. And then, if he still doesn't do it, bring it up on your "let's talk" night.
- Be specific and use "I feel" language. Talk about how his actions make you feel. Instead of saying, "You are making me late for work AGAIN!", you could say, "When you make me late for work, I feel disrespected. I feel like you don't care about me or my job. What can we do to fix this?"
- Burleson, B. R., Holmstrom, A. J., & Gilstrap, C. M. (2005). “Guys can’t say that to guys”: Four experiments assessing the normative motivation account for deficiencies in the emotional support provided by men. Communication Monographs, 72, 468-501.