what i've learned: respect is necessary



I've observed from a far, experienced firsthand, and read about my fair share of good marriages. But sadly, I've also watched, dealt with myself, and read about people in terribly unhealthy relationships. And, I have to say that one of the most consistent characteristics of a happy marriage is respect. Spouses must have respect for one another in order to make it work. Individuals who do not respect one another tend to end up either creating a parent-child relationship with their spouse, having high levels of conflict in their relationship, developing a roommate relationship with their spouse, or even breaking up. Speaking to your spouse with respect is a mindset that is necessary in your marriage. 

Respectful communication includes 
  • acknowledging one another’s thoughts, feelings, and point of view,
  • having your partner’s back (even if you think s/he is not correct),
  • speaking to your spouse as if s/he is your equal,
  • including him/her in your life and in your decisions about life (big decisions like where to move and smaller, everyday decisions like what to do on a Saturday night),
  • asking (instead of telling) your mate if s/he wants to do things,
  • and speaking to your mate in the same manner that you would speak to a stranger (if you wouldn’t say it to a random person on the street, then you probably shouldn’t say it to the one you love). 
On the other hand, respectful communication DOES NOT include 
  • criticizing your partner (eliminate words like “never” or “always” from your vocabulary when talking about human behavior),
  • belittling or demeaning your partner,
  • making fun of your partner (this is never cool),
  • treating your spouse like a child,
  • bossing him/her around (your spouse is an adult, treat him/her like one),
  • threatening to leave the relationship ("I'm so done with this" or "I think I want a divorce." You should never say things that threaten your relationship unless you actually want to leave.),
  • and giving ultimatums (sorry, but these usually backfire).
The bottom line: marriages cannot successfully survive without respect. Figure it out or get ready for some hardship.


 
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3 comments:

Cheap Brochure Printing said...

I was enlightened by this post. These are really good advises. I agree with you, respect is necessary. I guess I have to be a little more careful when it comes to how I treat my partner right now. I should be more patient and understanding to show respect. Thanks for the love lesson. :)

charles said...

Love is the greatest,we must strive and put in some effort as well as make some sacrifice for our partner if we want our love to be alive.

http://www.singlesandsoulmate.com/blog

Jennie said...

Thanks for the comments! Respect is definitely key.

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