what i've learned: respect is necessary

I've observed from a far, experienced firsthand, and read about my fair share of good marriages. But sadly, I've also watched, dealt with myself, and read about people in terribly unhealthy relationships. And, I have to say that one of the most consistent characteristics of a happy marriage is respect. Spouses must have respect for one another in order to make it work. Individuals who do not respect one another tend to end up either creating a parent-child relationship with their spouse, having high levels of conflict in their relationship, developing a roommate relationship with their spouse, or even breaking up. Speaking to your spouse with respect is a mindset that is necessary in your marriage. 

Respectful communication includes 
  • acknowledging one another’s thoughts, feelings, and point of view,
  • having your partner’s back (even if you think s/he is not correct),
  • speaking to your spouse as if s/he is your equal,
  • including him/her in your life and in your decisions about life (big decisions like where to move and smaller, everyday decisions like what to do on a Saturday night),
  • asking (instead of telling) your mate if s/he wants to do things,
  • and speaking to your mate in the same manner that you would speak to a stranger (if you wouldn’t say it to a random person on the street, then you probably shouldn’t say it to the one you love). 
On the other hand, respectful communication DOES NOT include 
  • criticizing your partner (eliminate words like “never” or “always” from your vocabulary when talking about human behavior),
  • belittling or demeaning your partner,
  • making fun of your partner (this is never cool),
  • treating your spouse like a child,
  • bossing him/her around (your spouse is an adult, treat him/her like one),
  • threatening to leave the relationship ("I'm so done with this" or "I think I want a divorce." You should never say things that threaten your relationship unless you actually want to leave.),
  • and giving ultimatums (sorry, but these usually backfire).
The bottom line: marriages cannot successfully survive without respect. Figure it out or get ready for some hardship.


signed copy of make love, not scrapbooks WINNERS!

After using random.org to determine the winner, THREE lucky readers were chosen to each receive a SIGNED COPY of my new book: Make Love, Not Scrapbooks! Drumroll please..........................

Kaciemarie, Allison, and Liz are the official winners!

Congrats ladies! In order to get your signed copy of the book, I need each one of you to email me at JensLoveLessons@gmail.com with your mailing address. Once you send me that info, I'll email you back with a couple more questions and your prize will be on it's way! 

Not Kaciemarie, Allison, or Liz? It's okay, you can still buy a copy of my book HERE!

You could also buy your own signed copy for $15 (plus $3.99 shipping) by emailing me at Jenslovelessons@gmail.com. Be sure to put "Signed Book" in the subject line. Once I get your email, I'll send you the Paypal information.

book release!

My first book, Make Love, Not Scrapbooks: And 9 Other Research-Based Love Tips to Intensify Your Relationship, is now available on Lulu.com (it will be available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com next month)! You can buy your own copy HERE.

Make Love, Not Scrapbooks describes ten research-based love tips, in a light-hearted, smart, savvy manner. With insightful quotes from women already in successful relationships, stories from my own love life, and practical ideas for enacting the advice provided scattered through out, the research-based love tips become more meaningful.

Early praise for Make Love, Not Scrapbooks:
Dr. Steve McCornack, Ph.D., author of Reflect & Relate and Associate Professor of Communication and Director of Undergraduate Studies at Michigan State University, explains, "It is rare to find a book that depicts relationships so honestly, provides so much in the way of valid and useful information, and yet is fluid, conversational and engaging throughout. Dr. Jennie Gill Rosier has done a fantastic job with this book, and I hope that people who are interested in trustworthy advice about relationships buy it!"

Alisa Bowman, author of one of my all-time favorite books entitled Project Happily Ever After, says, "Make Love, Not Scrapbooks is like an insurance policy for a happy marriage. Do everything suggested in this book and neither of you will ever need the services of a divorce lawyer."

You can read ALL about this book, more about me, and keep up-to-date with upcoming book events by going to www.MakeLoveNotScrapbooks.com!

To celebrate the release of this book, I'm going to give THREE lucky readers A FREE SIGNED COPY!

Want to win? Here's how to enter:

You can enter in THREE ways.

  • First, you can leave a comment at the bottom of this post on Jen's Love Lessons. Just click on the "Comments" or "Post a comment" link at the bottom of this post and leave a comment about WHY YOU WANT THIS BOOK.
  • Second, you could leave a comment about WHY YOU WANT THIS BOOK under the link to this post (see image below) on my Facebook Fan Page.
  • Third, you could simply click the "like" button (see image below) for the link to this post on my Facebook Fan Page.

All entries (comments on Facebook, "likes" on Facebook, and comments on Jen's Love Lessons) will be combined based on time of entry (so technically, if you comment on both, you're increasing your odds of winning). Then, the winner will be chosen using random.org.

You have until SUNDAY August 7, 2011 @ 2:00 p.m. EST to enter. The THREE winners will be posted on the Jen's Love Lessons homepage that night and I will send you a personal email (via facebook or otherwise) as well.

Good Luck!

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