when your husband loves two women: the pros and cons of marrying a mama's boy

I married a Mama's Boy. There, I said it. Hus is a Mama's Boy, definitely not as much as he was when I first met him, but a Mama's Boy nonetheless. Unfortunately, I think that many mama-loving-men get a bad rap. And while I agree with many of the anti-Mama's-Boy arguments at times, for the most part, the pros tend to outweigh the cons. So, let's get down to business. Below is my list of the main pros and cons (that I and other people I know have experienced) when marrying a Mama's Boy.

PRO: Mama's Boys are respectful towards women. This is a bit of a no-brainer. When a young boy grows up very close to his mother, he tends to value her as a person, which makes him respect her. When young boys respect their mothers, they generally will also respect other women. Hus respects all women; especially me.

CON: A Mama's Boy may put his Mama before his wife from time to time. Since they have such a strong relationship with their mothers, Mama's Boys may have a tough time detaching from their mothers when they attach to their new spouse. Well, let's be serious, a lot of this responsibility falls on the Mamas, too. A Mama of a Mama's Boy may make it very difficult for a new woman to come into her son's life. When you're dating, there isn't much you can do about this. But, once you're married, your husband (not you) must put his foot down with his mother (if this is a problem) so that he can focus his time and energy on strengthening your marriage. The two of you have become a team (you can read more about this idea in my book) and he needs to realize that his mother is no longer part of his immediate team (she should still be part of his life, but just not as much as she was pre-marriage).

media love: train

My and Hus' song is Meet Virginia by Train. I absolutely LOVE that song. It was the first song we ever danced to and the last song we danced to at our wedding. Whenever I hear it, I feel overwhelmed with love for Hus. I remember why we fell in love and I reflect upon how our love has grown over the last 11 plus years together.

Well, Train got me again with one of their more recent songs: Marry Me. I just love it. I love the whole song, but I totally get chocked up when he sings, "You wear white and I'll wear out the words 'I love you' and 'You're beautiful.'" I can't handle it. Well great, now I'm crying at work. Damn you, Train!

What songs make you feel all lovey-dovey inside?

pinterest love

I've recently become a little obsessed with Pinterest (Don't know about Pinterest yet? Click HERE to learn more. Already a member, but not yet one of my followers? Click HERE to follow my boards.). 

Anywho, I'm in love. Pinterest has given me so many crafty, delicious, love-themed ideas lately, that I'm a bit overwhelmed with it all. Since I don't have the time to make/create/cook/build/bake all of these things, I thought sharing a few of my favs with you here. 

Things I've already done:

 We had family over a couple of weeks ago and I made each of these dishes...

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I recently started a plate collage like this one in our dining room...

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Here's the beginning of our attempt at a plate collage:

 

I've also been working on this scrappy artwork...

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Things I plan to do:

I'm definitely making a cinnamon roll wreath this December...

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This chalkboard table runner is amazing...

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Preplanned date nights...

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Things I wish I had the time, money, or energy to do:

I would love a yellow and gray master bedroom...

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I would die for an outdoor space like this...

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What are your favorite things on Pinterest?

change is not only okay, but it should be expected

I've had several conversations with friends over the last few months about this. Just last week, my friend told me that her boyfriend told her, "You knew who I was when you met me. I've always been this way; I'm not changing now."

And my other friend's husband recently said this to her, "I feel like I'm not the same person I was when we met," implying that he didn't like the changes taking place.

These phrases, and others like these, are commonly heard in relationships. And when I hear them, my gut reaction is to yell ask "So what?"

So what if you change? So what if you're different after you become committed to another person? Why is change feared by some, given a bad rap by others, and resisted by so many?

I've always been puzzled by the notion that change is bad. At a certain point in any relationship, you begin to integrate your separate lives into a shared life. You start combining your lives physically, emotionally, and communicatively. You may use "we" language, plan your days and nights around each other's schedules, develop joint attitudes and beliefs, and maybe even move in together or get married. This causes you to change who you are. You become a different person. It's inevitable. And, it's not a bad thing. In fact, it should be expected and you should be happy about it. It means that you are growing as a person and as a partner. Individuals who resist this change and attempt to remain completely true to who they were before their relationship are not allowing themselves to become fully connected to their spouses. And in some cases (ex- if you've always been very flirtatious, that needs to end when you're in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone), you are directly disrespecting your spouse by not adapting to your new shared lifestyle.

Hus and I have made HUGE changes from when we were single. Some of this is due to the fact that we grew older, but most of it is because we have grown older together. I would not be the person who I am, believe in the things I believe in, value the qualities in another person that I value, or hold certain attitudes about life that I hold if I was not with Hus. For instance, I never cared about politics before I started dating Hus. At all. AT ALL. But now, you can hear me express my opinion about a wide variety of political issues from time to time. The same thing goes for Hus. For example, Hus used to have certain views about parenting pre-our-relationship that have drastically changed over the years.

The bottom line: IT'S OKAY TO CHANGE! In fact, YOU SHOULD CHANGE!

• Have a burning question for me? Here's your chance to ask it! Click HERE to read more about this new video project and how you can submit your question.