"i'll change him": and 5 more of the most romantic things a man can say to his partner after she has their baby

The days and months following the birth of a child are both incredibly amazing and terribly stressful. On top of the insanely different routine you're trying to adjust to, the hormones violently pumping through your body can make you feel like a complete crazy person. One minute, you're staring at your sleeping babe with feelings of pure happiness. And then the next minute, you're crying hysterically at the latest ASPCA commercial (Damn you, Sarah McLachlan!). Still only a minute later, you're viciously snapping at your mother-in-law for doing God knows what. The fact of the matter is that having a baby does a number on your capacity to feel normal.


In addition to all of that nonsense, your relationship with the person you made this tiny human with has been put on the back (and sometimes WAY back) burner. And romance? What romance? You're lucky if you can get out of your PJs before dinner (if at all). 

This is where your man comes in. He has the uncanny ability to lift you up or knock you down with his words and actions; especially when you're feeling all huge and crazy and shit. One slip of the tongue can send you into feeling the most elated that you have in months, anger you beyond words, or throw you into a spiral of sadness that is sometimes difficult to recover from.

Due to this drastic change in your life, your partner may not know what to say or do to make you feel special, important, and loved. What once worked like a charm is not received well anymore. Let's face it: your life has changed, your priorities have seriously shifted, and you need your partner to adjust accordingly. But how is he supposed to just know what to say?

Well gentlemen (this is where you give the computer to HIM), here are SIX things you can say to give your partner a little boost. Cause I don't know about your baby mama, but for me, being romantic has taken on a whole new meaning since Hus and I have had kids and there's definitely been a bit of a learning curve when it comes to figuring out new ways to communicate with one another. So without further ado, below are SIX of the most romantic things you can say to a new mom.

1. "I'll change him."
Wow. This one is just music to my ears. It feels so great anytime Hus takes charge with diaper-changing, burping, or any other chore/job that comes with having a new baby. It shows me that he's willing to put in the man-hours and that he cares about me feeling like I'm not doing it all.

2. "Go take a long, hot shower."
This one is great, too. Being given a break from the children is always a romantic thing in my book. The fact that Hus thinks about how stressed out or tired I must be is comforting. And when he suggests that I go take some time for myself (by taking a shower), it makes me feel appreciated, valued, and loved.

3. "What do you need me to do?"
This one goes a long way. Anytime Hus asks me this it shows me that he recognizes that I'm taking on a heavy load. That kind of recognition alone is incredible. Then the fact that he's willing to do anything to help? Well, that's just icing on the cake.

4. "You're doing great. I'm very proud of you."
Being a mom is tough. Trying to juggle everything while staying sane is more than a full-time job. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about just giving up on something (like breast feeding or walking one of our kids around for a ridiculously long time while he or she is screaming his/her head off or not slapping the shit out of screaming loudly at one of them for throwing something purposefully at my face) and then I don't because Hus acknowledges something positive about how I'm parenting. It's nice to hear. Period.

5. "I'm so happy."
Let's face it. In general, women tend to feel responsible for other people's happiness. We want to make sure that the people we love feel content and secure. And we also feel like we can and should fix things when the people we love express sadness or negativity with a situation. Many of us even see maintaining a certain level of happiness as our job. When you tell your baby mama that you're happy, it takes one more thing off her worry list. And that, my friend, is always a good thing.

6. "I'm excited about our family's future."
This is a big one. Also in general, women like to know that you're in-it-to-win-it. We want to know that you're in it for the long haul. That you're not going anywhere. That you want to be here with us and that you see a bright future by our side. If you ever feel this way, tell her. She wants to hear it and you won't regret it.


At the end of the day, anything that can make your baby mama feel like you're happy with your new life together, that you actually want to participate in all of the work it takes to care for this new person, that you recognize and appreciate all of the work that she does, and that you're excited about your shared future is a good thing. Now go forth and be romantic!

4 comments:

US Dating said...

HI Jen, the topic is really interesting and am sure this happens in every ones life, even with me the same. Am really glad that i had landed to a wonderful post.

Inspirational Sayings About Life said...

"I'll change him" is definitely something you want to hear!! I agree with that one for sure!

Fawn Weaver said...

I don't that it gets much better than that for a baby's momma! :) Happy Valentine's Day, Jen!

Save My Marriage said...

These are really wonderful tips for new daddies. I was lucky enough that my husband already did these things without needing to read this post. But it’s nice to know that there is such a post out there to help newbies. I remember thinking how fond I was of my husband when he asked if there was anything I could do and he didn’t wait until I looked stressed or looked busy. He would do it often and at all occasions. I didn’t always need the help but I appreciated that I knew I had the help if I wanted it. Another thing I found tremendously heartwarming was to feel and hear his genuine love and excitement for our family by consistently telling me how happy he was to have what he had exactly at that moment. He loved picking up our first child and telling him it was he and mommy that made him complete and the happiest in his life. It really melted my heart.

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